Tuesday, December 21, 2004


HeLLo WorLd...
How people behave when they owe U money?
They ignore your calls..Inaccessable...
Their wife picks up D phone..
Giving some lame excuse....
Its been 2 months since i've been running around
for the money my previous employer has to pay me...
He has told me to come tomorrow now...
Lets hope he gives it tomorrow.
I need the money for XmaS holidays man..
Cheers.. Have Fun...

Dear Employee:
As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas,
we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.
Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement,
thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future.
Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel
by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement,
will be placed into effect immediately.
This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel).
Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity
to look for jobs outside the company.
SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment
records before actual retirement takes place.
This review phase of the program is called SCREW.
SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).
All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED
may file an appeal with upper management.
This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).
Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once,
SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times
as the company deems appropriate. If an employee follows the above procedure,
he/she will be entitled to get: HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired
Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).
As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans,
any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP
will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.
Management wishes to assure the younger employees
who remain on board that the company will continue its policy
of training employees through our: Special High Intensity Training (SHIT).
We take pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive.
We have given our employees more SHIT than any company in this area.
If any employee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job,
see your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained
to make sure you receive all the SHIT you can stand.
And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.


Blogger rajdeep said...

I hate it when people who owe you money take forever to give it back but problem with me is I never say anything about it to them :p....so I hope the guy gives money back to ya :)

Oh and the employee letter is really funny lol :p it's made my day actually as it was last minute stressful xmas shopping day for me, so thanks! :)

8:50 PM  
Blogger bablu said...

Hey Rajdeep ..Nice to hear from U after such a long time.Where were U hiding all this while???

5:12 PM  

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